Sometimes when I’m alone I picture what it would have been like if I was gone. If I left when I wanted to. Out of people’s life and then maybe I wouldn’t feel this pain anymore.
Idk why my thoughts keep acting up lately. My panic attacks and freak outs are coming back and my stress and anxiety is through the roof. I feel like my body wants to give up badly but then it won’t give up because there’s so much I have to do so everything just keeps adding weight on to my shoulders.
Maybe I’ll snap and the. Everything collapses. Maybe then I won’t have to worry.
I told my dad that these feelings I used to have are coming back. He said not to worry about it and that it’s nothing. I don’t think he cares. I don’t think anyone cares. At least mom isn’t around to make it worse.
I just, I want to give up already but I don’t. There’s nothing here for me anymore. And I just feel done. Like I want to cry but I’m numb. My head is spinning with a bunch of thoughts and I can’t control a single one… I’ll just maybe go to sleep. I don’t know what to do and all this thinking is exhausting.
I’m tired of getting all these college letters trying to get me to go to that college when really I don’t want to go there. I honestly don’t want to go anywhere but my bed. Or outside. I’d like to stay in Chicago but I don’t know. I have a lot to think about I guess. Parents aren’t helping because they don’t care anymore. So I’m on my own. And somehow need to figure out what college i need to go to..
My mom just walked into my room and saw the college letter she gave me. She asked me why it was on the floor and I said because I finished reading it and she was upset because my sister just cleaned the room. She didn’t care about it being a college wanting me to go there she just cared about the room being cleaned.
My sister is being questioned about her boyfriend. She’s younger than me. She’s a freshmen, I’m a junior. I’ve been single my entire life and she got a boyfriend. My dad is now asking her about his intentions. I don’t think our father wants to know that they already kissed…. Wait, mom just said something about it… Oh, how I love her embarrassments.
…Now Dad’s going to shovel the driveway. Her boyfriend is coming to pick her up soon. This is great. This is great.
…She’s blaming me now. She said ‘FUCK YOU JENNA!”
I love you too, Madison c:
- Mom: *talks to dog* Chloe, you're such a beautiful princess. You look like Bambi. Such a beautiful princess!
- Me: Mom, Bambi's a boy.
- Mom: Really?!!
- Me: Uh, yeah
- Mom: Oh...
- Mom: Chloe, you're a beautiful princess. You can be Bambi's beautiful princess!
- Older Sister: What does it mean when you pee blood but you don't have your period?
- Me: (in my head: You got stabbed by a ghost with an invisible knife but you didn't feel the pain because of you rolls) I don't know? Internal bleeding?
- Younger Sister: Your kidneys and your liver are in a boxing match.
- Older Sister: You two are idiots... Wait, your kidneys are no where near your liver?
- Younger Sister: That's what you think.
- Madison: My boyfriend is like a trampoline...
- Me: What-
- Madison: -I don't have a trampoline.
- Me: I was going to say, you don't have a trampoline or a boyfriend.
- Madison: Well, no shit.
- Me: o_______o
- Bree: Oh my glob! It's the 4th of July! Celebrate your freedom! ;D and I shall celebrate not having a phone! I am officially Amish. :)
- Madi: .... Amish people don't have computers either. So what are you doing on here? o.O
- Me: hahahahahaha!
- Bree: THIS IS AN IPAD! Get your facts straight!
- Me: They don't have those either...
- Bree: Lawl it ain't mind doe. It's my grandma's! So I am still Amish! :P
- Madi: Amish people are not allowed to use electronics, it's against their religion.
- Me: They wouldn't use it either way.
- Me: :P
- Bree: WELL Y'ALL KNOW I AM A REBEL D:
- Madi: Amish people don't rebel. They stay true to their shit.
- Bree: No they don't! You guys lie!
- Bree: I swear that they rebel. The teens do at least xD
- Madi: No, you're just not Amish.
- Bree: I am without a phone. I ALWAYS have a phone.
- Me: Madison, I love you xD
- Bree: I do too XD but still
- Me: Haha, it still doesn't make you Amish.
- Madi: I feel loved c:
- Bree: Fuck you guys -_- go away
- Me: #troll
- Madi: #troll